15 Years and Counting

Fifteen has proven to be a very challenging age, caught right between a boy and a man. Never in a million years would I have thought that Kaleb would turn out to be a challenge, he's always been my saint child but I think he found it necessary to throw us for a loop. Once upon a time Kaleb was a quiet little boy that would sit for hours playing and never make a sound. Now you know the minute Kaleb enters or leaves a room; he's boisterous, funny, and not an ounce shy of loud. He stands 6 ft. 2 inches tall and weighs 165 lbs. He's out grown every ounce of baby fat that he ever possessed and is now sporting muscles that he often flexes in front of mirrors, company, or cameras. If I get in his way "NO PROBLEM" he just picks me up and moves me and then laughs about it. School is a mega struggle, it's hard to juggle studies and being a class clown. He's had just about every privilege revoked so that he might understand the power of an education. Needless to say having no door, stereo, tv, friends, extra curricular activities, or driving rights haven't turned his ways (as of yet). He's stubborn on so many levels I can't begin to explain them all. He has an attitude that I never envisioned and enough rebuttals to fill a book for dummies. Despite all of the challenging qualities that have surfaced over the last few months, Kaleb is also my savior! He's the first one that offers a helping hand when he sees me struggling. He will cook a meal, bath a sibling, vacuum floors, or tell me to go to bed at 9 o'clock. He wraps his arms around me out of nowhere and gives the worlds best hugs. He plays peek-a-boo and playdough like a champ. He will express his opinion or feelings when life is wearing on him and NEVER goes without saying thank you for anything we've done for him. He's still trying to find his place in this world. Where do I fit in? What does life have in store for me? He loves deeply and is hurt easily. He loves nature and watching all of the "life in the great outdoors" shows. He is intrigued by living in the middle of nowhere and living off the earth's natural resources. He's learned its ok to let go and that you can't change people. He's wise far beyond his years. He's not that bad of a driver either; even in the dark. The hardest pill for me to swallow is the fact that he doesn't need me as much anymore. The little boy that once stood outside of the bathroom door waiting for me is no longer there, in his place stands a young man that likes to jump out and scare the crap out of me. Kaleb, I hope that you always know your value. I hope you always know how much you are loved and how proud I am to call you my son. I hope that you figure life out and come out on top. I hope you take time to treasure all of the small things and know the value of hard work. Not a day on this earth shall ever pass that I won't be eternally grateful for you and the presence you bring to the world. I love you!

Family Favorites

This year I finally caved and we hired a photographer for our family pics - after so many years of epic fails it was time to admit defeat. I have to be blatantly honest, these are some of the best pics we've ever had of our family and the moments caught will linger in my heart forever. I'm what most would consider OCD - so I start planning outfits 2 months in advance and then second guess myself 14 times before deciding that "it will just have to work." I realize the time and effort it takes to capture a family our size; so I'm extremely grateful our photographer was patient with us. I won't go into glory details about how I panicked over hair not being right, kids misbehaving, butts (mine in particular) looking big, nails not getting painted coordinating colors, YES I'm that bad but like I said I will save you the ear lashing and just reiterate how much I LOVE these pictures and the moments of joy they catch.

Delightful Dani

I don't even know where to begin, so I'm just going to ramble on about you in hopes that some of it will make sense.  Dani, you are sooooooooooooo much fun - 8 has proven to be a very "delightful" age. Your personality is ever changing and growing; you can quite literally go from a silly quirky ball of bliss to a reserved and quiet saint. You are still too smart for your own good and continue to keep us on our toes with your wittiness. You just finished up fall soccer and are beginning to practice for basketball season. You love to paint and you're amazingly good at it. You're pretty handy in the kitchen and recently made your first apple pie; it looked delicious. You are a people pleaser and only want to make everyone happy, even if it sacrifices your own happiness. Our time with you is always well spent; however that time is also a short piece of what it used to be. You have some big things happening in your little world in the next year. Your mom is getting married so you will have a stepdad (he's a genuinely caring and nice man) and your dad and I are grateful that he loves you so much. We struggle to keep up with the awesome lifestyle that your mom and Rich provide you. At the end of the day it is our hope that you know how much we truly love and adore you. We can't wait to see what amazing things the next year brings, if 9 is anywhere near as fun as 8 we are in for a real treat.  

"One-der-ful -- ONE"

Today, you turn 1. It amazes me to look at you and realize how much you have grown and changed over the past year. Every milestone you reach and every new experience that delights you puts a smile on my face. I simply love to watch your eager mind. There is so much for you to encounter these days. You're intrigued by everything. Yet, just one short year ago, you were a beautiful, healthy, newborn baby asleep in my arms. A year has brought so much change, so many smiles, and so many tears (good and bad). It's hard to believe that just one short year ago we waited so patiently for you to join our family. In the past year, you have made me love you even more than I thought possible! My love for you grows each and every day. Just when I thought I couldn't love any more, I love you even more! My heart melts when you look me in the eyes and I hear your soft voice say, “mom." In the past year, you have taught me an abundance of patience. We snuggle (though a lot less than we used to), we cuddle (again a LOT less than we used to), and we play together. Your love for me is evident and that alone makes my heart sing. There is nothing quite like a mom/daughter relationship and there is a definite bond that is distinct and undeniable. We'll grow into all the good things (and the bad) that come from that relationship as you grow older. You are sooooo busy, always on the go and chattering up a storm. You love what you love and want what you want and nobody stands in your way (well Kanyon does at times but you don’t tolerate it well). You make the silliest faces, always scrunching up your nose and squinting your eyes (my favorite is when you blink like nobody can see you). You are the easiest baby to put down for a nap and bed and will eat anything put in front of your pudgy little face. You climb, scoot, crawl, and take steps to where you feel you need to be. You blow, spit, and play patty cake. You understand the word “No” and repeat it well. You love little people but are leery of adults unless you know them well. You love baths and would stay in the tub long after the water has drained. You hate people in your face and smack them away (again mostly Kanyon). You are so squishy and soft awww it just makes me want to squeeze you all of the time (you hate it). A year! Seems like such a short amount of time. Yet, in a year, you have gone from the fragile, tiny newborn in my arms to the rambunctious, adventurous one year old beauty you are today. All of the milestones and growing in one short year have created so many wonderful memories. It's like a lifetime condensed into 365 days. In that span of time, my life has forever changed. Nothing, no part of me, will ever be the same. You make my life more joyous, you fill it with more laughter, and you make my heart smile more than I ever dreamed possible. I love you more than I ever did before. Happy Birthday, my sweet Kimbree Jo!

I Will Never Forget You - Sweet Angel of Mine

I barely got to hold you, and kiss your little head. I'll never watch you sleeping soundly, all snuggled in your bed. I can't count your fingers, or your tiny toes. I won't see your smile, or your cute little button nose. I know you are in heaven, where there's no pain or tears. You'll never have a broken heart, or have to face your fears. And though I'm sad you're not here right now, for us to hold today I know we'll hold you in our arms, When we're in heaven with you someday. Sweet angel of mine - I think of you often and feel your spirit presence near. I love you with all of the fibers a mother is capable of possessing. I hope you are running with the angels (especially Grandpa Great) and having a birthday party in the sky. XOXO

11 DoWn 1 MoRe To Go

Our little squishy is so close to 1 - it's scary!!! This last month has been a month of "new" for Kimbree Jo. She is taking solid steps now, she mocks sounds, and her vocabulary is ever growing. She's a climber,she loves to climb the stair case and onto different toys. She had her first ear infection :( no fun and loads of crappy diapers - a $hitty deal all the way around for poor squish. Her personality and voice are growing by volumes daily. We say she's a sassy girl - probably not the best idea to put in that little noggin of hers. She loves what she loves and doesn't like for anyone to get in her way. She does not like to share mommy and will squeal if anyone else has interaction with mom (not the best trait). She pulls out her hair pretties and tries to get away from every diaper change. When's she's upset she clinches her fists and shakes (not epileptic). She loves to eat but she's actually starting to slim down now that she's so mobile. People always comment on her thighs - why can't people squeeze my thighs and deem how cute they are - not fair people. Kimbree is an overall joy and we are looking forward to making her first birthday a memorable one.

Carbon High Dino

Once upon a time I had a little boy that was playing flag football - that little sport slowly turned into tackle, ran sackle, and smash your opponent into the ground type of sport. Kaleb started the year off well let's just say exhausted from the time and effort a "high school" sport takes. I love football - I've always loved watching it, so having a child that participates is kind of a big deal to me. Sadly football, scouts, school, girls (yes girls), etc. became too much for this football star and he had to drop the sport due to slipping grades. School is important it's a small stepping stone in the puddle of life and no matter how discouraging it can be to a child, it's a parents prerogative for thier child to succeed in academics.

Little Tiger ---- Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Now that Kan is 4 he has the opportunity to try a few different sports - so we decided that soccer would be our first "try." Can I just say that 4-year olds are hilarious, clueless, and overall skeptics when it comes to learning the ins and outs of something new like a sport they've never played. Of course we decked Kanyon out in shin guards, soccer shoes, socks, shorts, the whole shabang to find out other parents really could have cared less how styling their little sportster was. Kan was completely clueless, running around in circles just following the other kids that were overall just as clueless. We would yell "run Kan run - kick the ball" and he would gaze at you in his little charming smile like seriously - look how freaking cute I am. I can honestly say I don't think he ended the season knowing much more than when he started. He was "that" child "that" child that roamed around aimlessly just trying to figure out what the point of the sport was. Kan is an observer he likes to watch and learn before partcipating - he takes everything in and analyzes it (definitely a trait from his dad). At the end of the game all that really matters is what kind of awesome treat they get anyways - RIGHT?

10 Months of Totally Awesomeness

I could rant and rave about how fast time flies by and yada yada yada but this time right now is so much fun that words could never capture how much we revel in the moments. Now, don't get me wrong if I could lock myself in a time capsule and go back rocking our little squishy bug as a newborn I would totally do it but this time right now is an absolute blast. Kimbree is ever changing - her personality is constantly picking up on new things, mocking different sounds we make, playing copy cat, taking charge, yet still small enough to melt into your arms. She's continuously making new faces or screeching just to hear the sound of her own voice. I (of course) am still her most favorite person in the whole world, she will squeal if anyone tries to remove her from my arms; needless to say dropoffs at daycare aren't always considered fun. She crawls all over and pulls herself up on EVERYTHING - just last week she took her first steps. She still loves food and is a fantastic little eater, that's probably somewhat noticeable by the size of her meaty thighs. She has 7 teeth and will bite if you stick your finger in her mouth (Kanyon tested this theory). She still isn't the most ideal sleeper and wakes several times a night but goes back to sleep without a hitch. She's slowly weaning herself off the bottle and loves cups with straws. She continues to melt my heart daily and I don't foresee that ever changing.

Creekview Creeper - Beeeeeee Amazing - Kan's Preschool Journey Begins

I didn't realize that in one breath I would go from holding your tiny infant hand to grasping small toddler fingers as we walked towards the doors of your new adventure. September 3, 2014 you began your preschool journey; it was a beeeeeeeee-autiful day! You are so ready to take the world head on and any brief moments of hesitation you experience are just those - brief moments. The morning of school when I asked if you were sooooooo excited to start school, your response was - "I'm so nervous it's ridiculous." I would never expect a different response from your little mouth that continuously has our family in cahoots. Dinosaur backpack in tow you reached for my hand as we walked towards the front doors. The doors that are your first stepping stone in your learning future. You must have asked 14,356 questions. "Are you going to leave me alone all by myself there" "How many boys are in my class" "Is M.J. in my class this year" "Do we get treats" "Are you going to leave me" "Who's going to pick me up" "Is the principal mean or nice?" Daddy may or may not have put a false image of "Mr. Principal" in your head and what might happen if you don't listen -it was just a small stretch of daddy's vivid imagination. As we arrived at your classroom door - you grabbed the little bee with your name on it and placed it on the bee tree. Mrs. Raquel exclaims "hi Kanyon" and you stalled (just for a brief moment) squeezing my hand extra tight. It literally took seconds after hanging your backpack and chit chatting with Mrs. Raquel for you to forget that I was still in the room. I watched fighting back tears as you pulled out a fire truck and told Mrs. Raquel all about Legos, fire trucks, and how bumble bees sting you. Instead of gracefully slipping away - I lingered and held on to the moment - the moment when that tiny little infant hand progressed into a toddler hand that didn't seem to need me as much anymore. As you basically shoed me away - I barely made it to the car before the free flow of tears followed. I kept thinking of the song "Bring Back My Bonnie to Me" but in place of the word Bonnie was the term baby. "Bring back bring back bring back my baby to me to me." This is the part where I struggle - letting go. You dove right in and embraced preschool with wide open arms. Miss Raquel stated, "What a bright and sweet little boy you have, I'm so happy to have him in my class." Your first day was a success and you didn't hesitate to tell me about all the girls in your class - there are more girls than boys, the bumblebee hats you helped assembled, the toys you played with, and the peanut butter and honey cracker you ate at snack time. Here's to big adventures in your new hive - keep learning my little bumblebee - you make me one proud mommy.

Fantastic 4 year old - Kan man

Holy Smokes, it's sooooo hard to believe that you are 4 already, what happened? You are starting to grow up, that's what happened! I have mixed feelings about you getting older, you're supposed to stay my little snuggle bug forever and ever. Your personality is continually growing and adapting and well to be honest getting you into skiffs of trouble. You are extremely hard headed and trying to refocus your attention when your mind is already set is darn near impossible. You generally have to be told half a dozen times not to do something which results in a timeout and an all out fit. Setting the timer seems to help because then you focus on waiting for it to go off more than being in timeout. You have the most vivid imagination I've ever seen on a child. You can make something out of nothing and watching your mind work is intriguing. You still love me the most (good judge of character you are), I love that you always snuggle with me when you're tired and that I can't be out of your eye sight for more than a minute when you come looking for me - I however do not like you interrupting my bathroom time. You love building and can sit with legos for hours on end making fancy creations. Your new found love is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and you always want someone to play with you. Yesterday you put a brand new 60 piece puzzle together all by yourself within a few minutes like it was nothing. I love that you don't get discouraged that you keep trying until you figure something out whether its the right or wrong way, you have a solution to everything. You love to be outside and help dad with yard work or tinkering in the garage. When you are too quiet we are well aware that you are doing something you aren't supposed to be doing. Recently you've made friends with a few neighborhood kids. Everytime I watch you ride your bike up the street to play, I feel like I'm losing a little more of my little boy that once needed me so much. Tomorrow we get to go meet your preschool teacher, you are so excited to start school next week. The week after school starts you are going to start playing fall soccer. I can't wait to see how cute you are trying to figure out a new sport. You still love your papa more than the moon and you spend countless hours making the best of memories with him, it melts my heart to see you two together. You're even starting to share Kimbree Jo with him but I can tell it bothers you. You are such a good big brother to Kimbree, she loves you and lights up the minute you pay attention to her. I love that you interact with her even though she can be a pain. You are caught between the world of being a little boy and a teenager and you think that just because Kaleb and Kennedy get to do something that you can do it too. We celebrated your birthday at Huntington Lake. You love the water and trying to catch crawdads off the dock. We had a BBQ and ninja turtle cupcakes and you received lots of awesome presents: 2 backpacks, legos, a matchbox car racing track, ninja turtles, a coat and levis, squirt guns, and the list goes on. Kanyon you light up our world daily, not a day goes by that I'm not eternally grateful for your presence. Our frustrations with you seem so small in comparison to the laughter you surround us with. Happy birthday buddy, I hope the next year is full of many grand adventures and your heart is always happy!

"One Last Time"

From the moment you hold your babies in your arms, you will never be the same. You might long for the person you were before. The person who had freedom and time and nothing in particular to worry about. You will know tiredness like you never knew it before and days will run into days that are exactly the same. Days full of feedings, gas bubbles, naps (or lack of), crying, whining, snuggling, stories, fighting, it may seem like the cycle never ends. But don't forget..... There is a last time for everything. There will come a time when you will feed your baby for the very last time because you blink and then they want to do it "all by themselves." There will be a last time you hold your sleeping child, they don't stay little and lap size forever. One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down and never pick them up that way again because with time comes growth. There will be a last time you scrub their hair in the bath, one day they will want to bathe alone. There will be a last time they hold your hand to cross the road, there comes a day when they stop reaching up for it. There will be a last time they creep into your room at midnight for cuddles. One afternoon you will sing "the wheels on the bus" and do all the actions, then never sing that song to them again because they outgrew it. There will be a last time they kiss you goodbye on the drop off at school before time has an affect and they want to go alone. There will be a last time you read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face. They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time. The thing is, you won't even know it's the last time until there are no more times and even then it will still take you a while to realize it. So.... While you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them. For one last time.

"Is It Hard"

Most people that know me also know that for the last 5 months, my husband has been working out of the area during the week and home on weekends. I will be the first to admit not everyone thinks before they speak but recently when talking to a friend, she asked how things were going. She then proceeded to ask me "is it hard?" What I really wanted to do was ask her if pigs give birth to elephants in comparison to what my daily life is like but I merely said "we make the best of it." Then I got to thinking "is it hard" well you tell me? My days start between 4:30 and 5:00 a.m. (depending on when beasty wakes up hungry), I basically cruise from getting dressed, to brewing coffee, making bottles, packing a lunch, making a chore list for the older kids, to waking beasty back up, and starting the 30 minute procrastination rodeo that it takes to get Kanyon out of bed every morning. We leave our house by 7:15 to drop Kaleb off at football practice and the beasts off at daycare with enough time that I can make it to work without being late. On an average day I have 8-10 files of equipment that are piled on my desk, my phone rings multiple times, and I'm continuously getting interrupted by somebody that needs/wants something (have I mentioned I'm under paid LOL). My lunch breaks are generally spent either a. running kids b. running kids or c. picking up kids to run them somewhere. My work afternoons are spent essentially just like the mornings. I leave the office at 4:00 and head straight to pick up kids from daycare then home to run Kaleb to football practice again. Upon arriving home I notice that a tornado has magically hit our home again and it's a scattered mess but like I said, it's magical because the house was clean when I left it and nobody confesses to anything. Kan is crying because I didn't let him open the door, Kimbree is crying because she's hungry and now I've dropped my purse, the mail, and spilled a bottle trying to get beasty fed. I take a 30 minute break to feed baby, build garages for Kan's cars, pick up the "magical" mess before it's time to start dinner and then what do you know the phone rings and somebody needs a ride AGAIN. I'm lucky to get dinner on the table by 7:00 and without flaw someone is ALWAYS complaining (Kennedy) because they (she) doesn't like green beans or casserole or tacos with soft shells - the list goes on. Beasty is screaming because she wants to eat what everyone else is eating so I cave to calm her down, right about the time Kan spills his drink all over the table. Whew finally another mess is cleaned up but everyone is asking to leave the table, I haven't yet eaten but that's ok everyone is taken care of and the house is quiet at least for a minute. Cleaning up dinner, turns into baths, picking up another mess, Kan crying because he didn't want those pajamas, Kimbree pulling my hair, Kennedy making Kan cry because well that's what Kennedy does. I go to sit down and realize I need to start a load of laundry the baby barfed all over her clothes at daycare and well let's face it I will make a load of wash versus having stained clothes. I go to sit down again "hey mom I need a $120 for football." I go to sit down again and the baby pooped, time for diaper change. I go to sit down again and Kan starts crying because well he's tired and he needs his blanket. I feed beasty and kiss her little cheeks then put her to bed (she's a gem and goes down so easy). Kan wants to read his Monsters book again for the 14th time this week so we read a story and snuggle for ten minutes before the clothes need to go in the dryer. Kaleb and Kennedy and fighting over what's on tv AGAIN. Kan's finally crashed its 10:30 p.m and the laundry needs folded. Cars, blocks, blankets, and many other toys are scattered widely throughout the kitchen and living room. I spend time picking the house back up and realize another day went by and I didn't get a workout in. The kitty litter needs changed and kittens need food its 11:00. I forgot to make a night bottle CRAP! I sit for 30 minutes and fall asleep on the couch, then get up turn everything off and lock the doors, its 12:30 a.m. and I'm just crawling into bed and shutting my eyes. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 1:30 and beasty is waking up hungry, I crawl out of bed to warm a bottle and get back in bed its now 2:00 a.m. Before I know it the alarm is going off and my days starting all over again. Is it hard, NAH it's just another day in park!!!

13-iny BOPPER

13 REALLY? Where in the heck did that number come from and why did it come so fast? 13 WHEW we are both still alive and at this point I'm honestly just surprised we've made it this far. I'm sure that I'm not the only parent/person that has heard OVER & OVER - boys are easier than girls! Whoever was the first to make that statement deserves a good sturdy handshake (and a stiff drink) because they nailed that one on the head. Girls are hard; teenage girls are HARDER. Ok I can say I hate social media and what it's done to our youth but I'm just as corrupt with Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. I can totally see why my 13 year old daughter is continuously taking selfies to post, yep I'm just as guilty - don't judge just download the damn app, it's the cool thing to do. Ok so on to better topics of conversation HOLY FREAKING COW, Kennedy is 13! She is a handful I will say that but she also has some very distinct qualities that make her a gem (she may need polished but nonetheless she's still a diamond in the rough). Kennedy is hard headed and fiesty, she could quite literally give you a run for your money then come back and rob you. She can fight with her 3 year old brother just as aggressively as her 14 year old brother, because she doesn't think before she speaks. She takes 214 selfies a day for snapchat and changes friends well like her underwear. One day best friends, the next day they hate each other, two days later she's my BFF - yep that's Kennedy in a nutshell. She's a disaster, you can tell every room in our house that Kennedy enters because of the trail she leaves behind. She's a messy slob and she doesn't have an organized bone in her body. She's sassy, she's genuine, she can be a royal pain in the a** but she's also my pain and I love her beyond measure. I love that she doesn't let people push her around. I love that she speaks up for herself and others that she cares about. I love that when she can see I'm worn out she will lend a helping hand. I love that she cares deeply for others. I love that she can melt into my arms and cry on my shoulder when life is wearing on her. I love that she can forgive and forget. Her great qualities far exceed her flaws, sometimes I have to remind myself of that. Sometimes when I need a time out, I can breathe and think she's just 13, this too shall pass and other times I want to wash her mouth out with soap. Kennedy despite what you may think because we often clash, I love you. I love you deeply, wholely, and completely and my life would never be the same without you. Thank you for challenging me - yes even the bad challenges. We've grown up alot together and learned alot of lessons (the hard way). I want you to know at the start and end of each day I'm eternally grateful for you and YOU just the way you are. Now GO clean up your mess, LOL. Happy Birthday Beautiful and always be "Your Own Kind Of Beautiful."

Fire Cracker Fire Cracker BOOM BOOM BOOM

We made our annual jaunt down to Kansas (actually for the 2nd time this year) to hang out with the Kansas fam over the 4th of July. Over the last few years we've seemed to make being in Kansas a tradition celebrating the 4th. We always enjoy the time we get with family; eating yummy food, reminiscing, playing yahtzee with granny, going to the zoo and pool, watching fireworks, and above all making memories. The hardest part of the whole trip is saying goodbye. They say goodbyes are not forever only temporary and I'd like to believe that, until we meet again - be safe, laugh, love, and live for the moment. The value of a moment is something that can last an entire lifetime. I value minutes, moments, hours, and days because we never know what life may throw into our path.