Riviera Maya - Cancun (Honeymooning)

My wonderful husband surprised me with a trip to Mexico on our anniversary this year to make up for not being able to go on a honeymoon. Due to the heartbreakingly sad turn of events we'd been dealt and as the warm months in Utah started fading away, we were definitely welcoming this trip with open arms.

Our resort was beyond beautiful and the service was incredible. We were in awe at how hard all the staff worked to make their patrons happy. Our mission was to relax and realign our demeanors so that we could come back with a new outlook on life. In the midst of our relaxing we actually met some incredibly genuine people that we hope to keep in touch with and see in the future. It's funny how when you eliminate phones, computers, kids, work, etc you realize how in love you are with your spouse. I didn't have anyone else to take care of (aside from Paul after too much drinky drinky) and it just made me realize how much I truly adore him and our time together. We as humans get consumed by the chaos of life and often take for granted the small things that chaos takes away.

We had the choice of taking it easy by the pool or hopping on a shuttle to go snorkeling for the afternoon. If we wanted to sleep in until 10 and then go have breakfast that's exactly what we did. One of our favorite excursions was the Captain Hook's dinner cruise. The entertainment was incredible, we laughed, drank, danced and had an amazing time.

The food at our resort was incredible, in fact I think we both packed on a few pounds during the week. Paul liked the buffets, I got sick of them. The restaurants at night were awesome even though we had to dress up ICK. They make the best drinks you could possibly ask for, we fell in love with the "dirty monkey." There were always evening shows to attend involving acting, music, and dancing. Above all there was always someone waiting to sell you something at a rip off price :) Barter, Barter, Barter, that's all I have to say about that! All in all we couldn't have asked for a better vacation. As sad as we were to leave and come back to reality it was also refreshing seeing the faces of our beautiful kids awaiting our arrival home. Next time we will take them with and have twice as much fun but twice as less relaxation. Cheers to Kids!!!

Family Portrait Session

Every year around mid to late October we try and muster up our little kiddos and do a family portrait session for our annual Christmas card, this year was what most parent's would consider a NIGHTMARE! For starters we didn't have Dani in the time frame we needed and the leafs were slowly losing all of their golden colors as the brown dry tones were settling in. We decided to go for it and instead of getting all of us together for a portrait working more towards individual shots. Kaleb and Kenn are beyond easy, they have learned that it's easier just to smile and get it over with than drag out the process. Not only were they easy but they ended up taking some great pics of Paul and I. Now here is the NIGHTMARE portion, it comes in the form of a 3 plus foot tall, 30 lb. 2 year old. Kanyon is generally a saint getting his picture taken, at least when he's in a portrait studio under someone else's instruction. For those of you that know Kan, he is a very outgoing ball of energy and doesn't stop til he drops. He is all boy so being outside with dirt, sticks, leafs, etc was just a bit too much for his attention span. We conquered the pics and hopefully in the future will be blessed with something less chaotic than our 2 year old running off or trying to bring home a stick twice his size. AWWWWWWWW one day we will look back and remember these days and dearly miss them but for today I'm glad our portrait session is over :)

"Losing Our Little Boy"

I feel inclined to write something about this in hopes that it may contribute to some inner peace I need in coming to terms with the tragic heart ache from losing our little boy. It will be two weeks tomorrow since I delivered a small fragile baby that had his hand gently strewn across his tummy when I was able to hold him. Up until this point we hadn't even known the baby was a boy. My heart hurts every day, somedays are more apparent than others but whenever I think about the events that led up to our loss tears immediately fill my eyes. Unlike alot of pregnancies especially mine, we had planned this baby perfectly to the point that his birthday would be separate from our other children and he wouldn't have to share a birthday month. After being monitored very cautiously during the first trimester of pregnancy to ensure everything was going along smoothly, we entered our second trimester more than elated. At 16 weeks during a routine check up, my ob was unable to find the babies heartbeat and being safe sent us over for ultrasound. I knew immediately that something was wrong when the tech responded "let me go call the doctor" and then confirmed the baby had no heartbeat. I instantaneously burst into tears and now looking back can't imagine what that poor tech thought about my behavior. We were then told by my doctor because the baby was too big to do a D & C that I would need to go to L & D and be induced to deliver the baby naturally. Nothing made any sense the baby was just fine with a strong heartbeat and now NOTHING, I had convinved myself God wouldn't do this to us again and later learned I was wrong. Twelve hours after being induced, having contractions, my water breaking, and bleeding like I had lost a limb our little boy entered and left our lifes. He was a tiny image of perfection. I wish I had taken more time to hold him but when I close my eyes I can see him as clear as day and it eases the pain knowing how peaceful he looked. I'm not angry with God anymore, I believe he needed our baby more than we did even though it doesn't dull the ache in my heart. I'm thankful that God allowed him to be part of our life. Although I dream of what his life would have been like, I feel blessed to have an angel in heaven watching and awaiting the time we can all be together again.

In Our Arms for A Moment, In Our Hearts Forever!!!

For our sweet Baby K, there will always be a special place for you in the deepest depths of our hearts, until we can be together again know that we love you and are certain you are smiling down on us in the most angelic way.


I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother,
And I know I heard him say:
A mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother,
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied,
With confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But theres no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish that I could show you,
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile,
With other children who say:
We go to earth and learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are Ok.
Your babies are here in My home,
They'll be at heavens gate for you.
So now you see what makes a mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.