# 5 is ALIVE....

My Sweet Kanman,

Holy Cow - YOU'RE 5!!!

5 sounds like such a big boy age. Next week you start kindergarten. I don't understand how time went by so quickly. It seems like just yesterday you were learning to walk, talk, and navigate this crazy thing called life.

You are still such a joy! Your laugh is infectious and everyone who hears it agrees. You delight in figuring things out and your intelligence constantly astounds me. I can never remember what kids are "supposed" to know and be able to do at this age, but regardless you make me so proud.

You are sensitive. You don't like to disappoint and are quick to apologize when your moments are over. You are spirited, full of energy and zest. Running is still a pleasure for you. You hated soccer but fell in love with tball this year and became known as the "heavy hitter." This year you fell in love with Ninja Turtles and Star Wars (much to my dismay) and you still love to play games on my phone. You delight in figuring out mazes and puzzles, you have such a technical mind.

When it comes to being a big brother, I can't begin to tell you how amazing you are with Kimbree Jo. I know Kimbree frustrates you when she takes things away or when she accidentally (or sometimes on purpose) makes a mess out of something you've been creating; but for the most part you are SO good to her. You find ways to play with her and you are constantly teaching her. Nothing melts my heart more than when you look at her and you both laugh that full belly laugh deep down into your souls.

You have a big year ahead my little big man, one with lots of changes. No matter what comes your way, I know you will flourish and prosper. Thank you for taking me on this journey with you, I can't wait to see what's next. Happy 5th Birthday Mr.......

 

14 and Fabulous

I often wonder where did the time go? I wonder how the little girl playing with my mascara actually wants to wear it for real? How are her feet bigger than mine? How do I have 4 short years before she's considered an adult. I wonder if my mom felt and had these same questions. Inspired by these thoughts I'm writing things to tell my daughter and perhaps reminders for myself for the rest of our lives.

Kennedy - "I LOVE YOU" - when we mean it the words I LOVE YOU have to be the most powerful sentence in the world. You is perhaps the key of it. Every girl deserves to be loved. Children will not remember you for the material things you provided, but for the feeling that you cherished them.  Every single girl should know that she is cherished. The shy girl, the funny girl, the straight A girl, and the C girl, the special needs girl, the curvy girl, the skinny one, the short one, the tall one. That girl, the one that belongs to me, deserves to hear and feel the words, I love YOU as YOU are.

Kennedy - the size of your pants will never determine the size of your heart. We live in a time where images are everything. Making the good look bad and the bad look good, we have the power to alter any picture in a second.  You were born with your dignity therefore no one can take it away from you, you deserve to grow with confidence.

Kennedy - NEVER do drugs! They will destroy you, ruin your youth and possibly your life, unhappiness and sorrow will follow them. Know that it's ok to say no because it makes you a better person. Say no because you were taught better and know right from wrong.

Kennedy - ALWAYS remember who you are! You don't need to know perfectly who you are yet, you are evolving, reinventing, and getting to know yourself everyday. Remember the value of your soul. You continue to remind me of who I am. You are one of my heroes, I wish I could love as unconditionally as you do. I wish I could forgive as easily as you do. I wish I could be as willing to learn as you are. YOU are amazing!

Kennedy - As your parent it's my job to say "NO" because I know you can say yes to wonderful things. That's right! Yes to your dreams, yes to an education, yes to experiences that will make your heart full, yes to a future, NO is all about YES.

Kennedy - I value your opinion, I know that most of the time you know what the right thing to do is. I love listening to you and I value what you say (most of the time). I love that you come to me when you're struggling and melt into my arms expecting me to make everything better. I love our girl talks more than you will ever know.

Kennedy - Friendship and popularity are not the same thing. I know that you want nothing more than to be accepted and liked, it's my responsibility as your parent to know your friends. Our home is always open to your friends so that I can embark on your friendship journeys with you.

Kennedy - ALWAYS have fun this perhaps is one of my favorite things. I've invested much time and energy with actions to show you what fun is. I hope that a piece of you will always remain a kid at heart and be able to let the worries of this world drift away so you know how to have a blast.

Kennedy - I'm not an expert when it comes to parenting but I can promise you that I will always try my best. I promise that I will be your safe haven, the warmth of my arms will always be waiting for you. I promise you that I will always have a shoulder for you to lean or cry on. The depths of my love for you extend much farther than the deepest sea and no amount of waves could ever wash away how blessed I am to be your mom.

Little Miss Personality

 

 

 

 

Kimbree Jo has so much personality, I wish I could capture every aspect of it and bottle it up! She's at a fun little age, where everything in her world is so exciting and adventurous. She lights up the minute she sees a new face and goes straight into show off mode. She loves blankies, her kitty snugglie, and babies. She's prone to toting something with her just about everywhere she goes and to say she is territorial is an understatement. She doesn't like to share mom and will have an all out fit if someone tries to hug or sit on mommy's lap. She's learning a multitude of new words and she's a little mocking bird always repeating different sounds or words she hears. She adores her daddy and asks for him when she notices he's not around. She's still our little eater, that's obvious by the squishiness in her thighs and cheekies. It is abundantly clear that Kimbree completes our family with her bold personality and the quality of life she brings to our home.

Wrecking Ball

Kennedy's dance team performed Miley Cyrus's wrecking ball for a fund raiser to collect money for the CEU Physcology department. They worked for months on this performance to nail it without flaw and did a superb job. I'm so proud to watch her learn and grow the fundamentals of hard work and dedication. Kennedy's passion radiates through ten fold.

Whoops - Shame Shame

Kaleb's first accident - as a passenger! On February 6, 2015 Kaleb and his friend Kolton decided to go out in the hills and mess around during thier lunch break, unfortunately due to high speed and loose gravel, the vehicle rolled. Thankfully neither one of the boys were hurt physically. Kaleb took a good knock to the noggin' when the vehicle rolled but didn't show any signs of injury. Both of the boys were ticketed for Joy Riding, thankfully Kaleb's charges were dropped although we are still making him pay for half of the vehicle damage. We pray a lesson will be learned from this little endeavor.

"I Wish Someone Would Have Warned Me"

I have to be blatantly honest, lately I've wallowed in a small amount of self pity. Sometimes I feel like life couldn't be any more unfair and for that reason it can become quite taxing at any given moment. When I look at the 4 humans I've created, they are my realization, they are my why! The reasons why I get up every day and push forward on 2 hours of sleep, the reasons why I put meals on the table, and keep a clean home (most of the time). More than anything they are the reasons why my heart has the capacity to love beyond measure. I wish I would have known the feelings that came along with having children, they enhance and make you feel "MORE" - more thrill, more love, more anguish, more adoration, more fear, more gratitude, more doubt, MORE crazy. A child takes your heart and mind and squishes them into a pulp in their fat little baby hands. There are days I look in the mirror and think Good Lord woman, put on some clean pants and get your crap together. Some days are more trying that others, raising my rugrats can sometimes be the most frustrating, boring, numbing, exhausting, and lonely job I've ever had. But there's also an opposite: The feelings are all so BIG including the good ones. As I type this, I can literally recall how thier chubby little cheeks felt against my lips; I kissed them hundreds of times a day. I remember exactly how my heart surged seeing a smile, white haired baby standing at the crib rails, squealing at the sight of me. I precisely remember all thier first steps. I was there laughing, cheering, and holding out my arms. Those feelings are so BIG and so REAL. When I push through the BIG exhaustion and BIG guilt, I've tapped into something more healthy: BIG pride. Every night with all 4 kids (most of the time) bathed, read to, rocked, snuggled, talked to, and tucked into bed, I feel like some sort of damn warrior princess. Who can handle this many kids every day, APPARENTLY I can (and if I managed to also have sex that night, I feel like a viable candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize for my contributions to humanity). There are times I feel as if my brain is falling apart and I'm a hot mess. Then I look at my children. Their shoes are on the right feet, at least one has combed hair, those round bellies are clearly well fed, and one peek in thier eyes, lets me know there's a lot of light there. Those eyes are loved, cherished, and cared for. I'm doing it, I'm raising whole humans, healthy and happy and safe. Then it happens - kids grow up! They pee on the potty! They make their own sandwiches! They wash their own hair! They go to school for seven hours a day. The nonstop physical parenting slows down. The daily marathon relents. The world spins faster and time lapses faster than it ever did before. These little ones that are ever changing, you fall even more madly in love with them as every year passes. That part doesn't get any better. The BIG feelings stay BIG, especially the tender ones. Your brain becomes more useful, but the kids grow up and you can't stop it. That adorable 3-year-old you're tucking into bed, blink and you'll be sending him to Driver's Ed. I'll tell you something most moms don't; teenagers are mostly awesome. Sure, you also want to strangle them of course, but they are funny and smart and interesting, and the teen stage is totally my jam. It's not all great (this exact moment I'm thinking of the car my son was in a month ago when it rolled), but no stage of parenting is all great. I wish I would have known before bringing my first son home; the baby years are short, kind of like five minutes... underwater. It doesn't seem like it, but they go to kindergarten, then ride bikes without training wheels, don't rely on you as much or as often. Every day I thank God that I got to be their parent, that they are mine, that they walked into my arms at one point and will walk out at another. What a gift! I wouldn't trade one day of BIG feelings, because the good ones far outweigh the hard ones, and the one that endures above all is BIG BIG BIG LOVE.