"Birthday Snow"

FINALLY, we got our first snow of the season and boy did the kids have a super time playing in it. The first snow just so happened to have come on Kaleb's 13th birthday, so it was quite the eventful weekend in our home. Kaleb, Paul, and Chase all bundled up extra warm the morning of December 15th, they were headed up 9-Mile Canyon to go coyote hunting (Kaleb's request for his birthday).



















While the boys went hunting, it left Kennedy, Kanyon, and mommy to shovel and play in the freshly fallen beautiful snow. As I shoveled and watched them galant through snow piles and sled down our front yard, I became over joyed by recalling memories of our sledding adventures as a child. In the midst of being over joyed I was also hit by a snowball of sadness. Looking at Kanyon, I recalled when Kaleb was that little two year old bundled up super tight waiting to be pulled on the sled. It doesn't seem possible that the cute little Charlie Brown faced toddler is now 13. Kaleb is turning into quite the young man, in the last two years he has grown up so much it's a blessing and a curse. I know that in 5 years, Kaleb will venture into adulthood and it's sad knowing how fast the time flew by. He's no longer the little boy that used to curl up on my lap handing me Dr. Seuss books to read him, or the little boy that pushes the chair over to the counter to help me stir cookie dough. He is growing before my eyes and turning into a handsome, dedicated, one track minded, soft hearted, funny, charming teenager. Like most children for every awesome trait it is generally followed by a fault; thankfully Kaleb has always had way more great traits than flaws. Even with the hormones kicking in and life changing, Kaleb is generally always extremely pleasant to be around unless Kennedy is antagonizing him. He is very humble and good natured. I'm sure that one day when Kanyon turns 13, I will look back on that same innocence and be overcome with sadness realizing how fast time coasted by. On a more positive note, the kids had a blast frolicking in the snow. Kan had to help shovel the drive and wasn't hesitant to aid Kennedy in sledding down our yard hill on his belly. Kennedy must have spent 6 hours outside before she was finally spent and had to come in. She played with the neighbors and helped build a gigantic snowman that stands 7 feet tall. Weekends like these are well spent and make great memories! Happy Birthday Kaleb & Happy First Snowday!!!

Riviera Maya - Cancun (Honeymooning)

My wonderful husband surprised me with a trip to Mexico on our anniversary this year to make up for not being able to go on a honeymoon. Due to the heartbreakingly sad turn of events we'd been dealt and as the warm months in Utah started fading away, we were definitely welcoming this trip with open arms.

Our resort was beyond beautiful and the service was incredible. We were in awe at how hard all the staff worked to make their patrons happy. Our mission was to relax and realign our demeanors so that we could come back with a new outlook on life. In the midst of our relaxing we actually met some incredibly genuine people that we hope to keep in touch with and see in the future. It's funny how when you eliminate phones, computers, kids, work, etc you realize how in love you are with your spouse. I didn't have anyone else to take care of (aside from Paul after too much drinky drinky) and it just made me realize how much I truly adore him and our time together. We as humans get consumed by the chaos of life and often take for granted the small things that chaos takes away.

We had the choice of taking it easy by the pool or hopping on a shuttle to go snorkeling for the afternoon. If we wanted to sleep in until 10 and then go have breakfast that's exactly what we did. One of our favorite excursions was the Captain Hook's dinner cruise. The entertainment was incredible, we laughed, drank, danced and had an amazing time.

The food at our resort was incredible, in fact I think we both packed on a few pounds during the week. Paul liked the buffets, I got sick of them. The restaurants at night were awesome even though we had to dress up ICK. They make the best drinks you could possibly ask for, we fell in love with the "dirty monkey." There were always evening shows to attend involving acting, music, and dancing. Above all there was always someone waiting to sell you something at a rip off price :) Barter, Barter, Barter, that's all I have to say about that! All in all we couldn't have asked for a better vacation. As sad as we were to leave and come back to reality it was also refreshing seeing the faces of our beautiful kids awaiting our arrival home. Next time we will take them with and have twice as much fun but twice as less relaxation. Cheers to Kids!!!

Family Portrait Session

Every year around mid to late October we try and muster up our little kiddos and do a family portrait session for our annual Christmas card, this year was what most parent's would consider a NIGHTMARE! For starters we didn't have Dani in the time frame we needed and the leafs were slowly losing all of their golden colors as the brown dry tones were settling in. We decided to go for it and instead of getting all of us together for a portrait working more towards individual shots. Kaleb and Kenn are beyond easy, they have learned that it's easier just to smile and get it over with than drag out the process. Not only were they easy but they ended up taking some great pics of Paul and I. Now here is the NIGHTMARE portion, it comes in the form of a 3 plus foot tall, 30 lb. 2 year old. Kanyon is generally a saint getting his picture taken, at least when he's in a portrait studio under someone else's instruction. For those of you that know Kan, he is a very outgoing ball of energy and doesn't stop til he drops. He is all boy so being outside with dirt, sticks, leafs, etc was just a bit too much for his attention span. We conquered the pics and hopefully in the future will be blessed with something less chaotic than our 2 year old running off or trying to bring home a stick twice his size. AWWWWWWWW one day we will look back and remember these days and dearly miss them but for today I'm glad our portrait session is over :)

"Losing Our Little Boy"

I feel inclined to write something about this in hopes that it may contribute to some inner peace I need in coming to terms with the tragic heart ache from losing our little boy. It will be two weeks tomorrow since I delivered a small fragile baby that had his hand gently strewn across his tummy when I was able to hold him. Up until this point we hadn't even known the baby was a boy. My heart hurts every day, somedays are more apparent than others but whenever I think about the events that led up to our loss tears immediately fill my eyes. Unlike alot of pregnancies especially mine, we had planned this baby perfectly to the point that his birthday would be separate from our other children and he wouldn't have to share a birthday month. After being monitored very cautiously during the first trimester of pregnancy to ensure everything was going along smoothly, we entered our second trimester more than elated. At 16 weeks during a routine check up, my ob was unable to find the babies heartbeat and being safe sent us over for ultrasound. I knew immediately that something was wrong when the tech responded "let me go call the doctor" and then confirmed the baby had no heartbeat. I instantaneously burst into tears and now looking back can't imagine what that poor tech thought about my behavior. We were then told by my doctor because the baby was too big to do a D & C that I would need to go to L & D and be induced to deliver the baby naturally. Nothing made any sense the baby was just fine with a strong heartbeat and now NOTHING, I had convinved myself God wouldn't do this to us again and later learned I was wrong. Twelve hours after being induced, having contractions, my water breaking, and bleeding like I had lost a limb our little boy entered and left our lifes. He was a tiny image of perfection. I wish I had taken more time to hold him but when I close my eyes I can see him as clear as day and it eases the pain knowing how peaceful he looked. I'm not angry with God anymore, I believe he needed our baby more than we did even though it doesn't dull the ache in my heart. I'm thankful that God allowed him to be part of our life. Although I dream of what his life would have been like, I feel blessed to have an angel in heaven watching and awaiting the time we can all be together again.

In Our Arms for A Moment, In Our Hearts Forever!!!

For our sweet Baby K, there will always be a special place for you in the deepest depths of our hearts, until we can be together again know that we love you and are certain you are smiling down on us in the most angelic way.


I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother,
And I know I heard him say:
A mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother,
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied,
With confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But theres no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish that I could show you,
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile,
With other children who say:
We go to earth and learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are Ok.
Your babies are here in My home,
They'll be at heavens gate for you.
So now you see what makes a mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.

A little appreciation note for my wife

Happy Birthday Jenn!!!

First off let me start by saying I’m hijacking this blog for the day so if you find me lying in a pool of blood in front of my computer please call the cops, it was Jenn :) 

 

 I think from time to time it is always nice to hear a kind word, an admiring comment, or have something nice done for you that shows you are appreciated in life and everything you do. This is just that, my attempt at letting the world know just what a wonderful person my wife really is. I’m sure you all know the story of how Jenn and I met from some of the earlier posts, and how we fell head over heels for each other, but I can guarantee you haven’t heard why I fell in love with Jenn (and it isn’t just because she knows how to make a wonderful snicker doodle cookie). It all started with her eyes; now let’s just talk about mesmerizing! She could charm the socks of a polar bear with those eyes! From first site I was hooked, but then as I got to talking and knowing her more and more I realized that she had such a great heart, full of compassion and love. She talked so highly of her kids and family, that it made me feel like they were mine already. Let’s just say, I found my dream girl! Beautiful, full of life, smart, compassionate, fearless and to top it off she can cookJ. Now if I could just get her to cook Italian a little more I’d have it made, LOL.

 

Jenn is such an inspiration to me and many others around her. She has a drive for life that just can’t be explained in words; it’s almost like you have to see it to believe it. Our kids are blessed to have a mother that cares so much about their well-being and she’d give the shirt off her back to know they are taken care of. Jenn is always there right by my side when I need help in the yard, getting dinner ready, doing household chores and especially when I just need a shoulder to lean on.

I try to always express to Jenn just what a wonderful person she is, but you know Jenn, she always denies what you say, and acts so humble. Today though is about you Jenn! Today I want everyone to know just how much this woman means to me and our family. She is so appreciated and loved and I want her to know that life would not be the same without her. So, here’s to you babe!!! I love you so much and I just want to say thank you for becoming part of my life. You lifted me up when I was down and you showed me what true love really is. You’ve given me the opportunity to see how life should be lived and every day I try my best to live life through your eyes because they are so full of passion and love. Thank you for being the person you are and I want to say “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” to the most special person that I have ever met. I hope you have a wonderful and relaxing day!

XOXOXO, Paul

My Papa & Me

It's not every child that can have the lavish luxury of spending time with their grandparents from their birth. Kanyon has been one of the fortunate ones and has this incredible bond of love created between him and his papa. Anyone that watches these two together can see how deep the bond lies within them. The rest of the world halts when papa is around, he is the center of Kanyon's universe.

I believe when Kanyon sees his papa, he sees his heart. His papa is a delightful and logical man and he loves his children with such an intense passion. He likes church and loves his home. He has a heart of gold and works very hard. He has a sense of humor that could charm the pants off a donkey and has made a strong well known name for himself. He is a gentle giant and Kan has him wrapped around his little finger but sealed deep into his heart.

These two buddies can't spend too much time away from each other before having major withdrawal issues. Upon entering his home Kan goes in search of papa, on the times he isn't home he's immediately struck with sadness. He loves to go on rides with papa on the 4-wheeler, swing with him in the hot sun, and snuggle next to him to dose off for a peaceful afternoon snooze.

We form a variety of different bonds throughout our lifetime and they all serve different purposes to a fullfillment we either need or want. Watching their bond grow and develop has been an incredible experience. We look forward to the future and all of the exciting adventures Kan will go on with his papa, these are memories that will last him an entire lifetime. I don't doubt that Kan will always be able to look back and remember with a smile how much he loves his papa!

"Work and Play"

Our weekends always seemed to be full to the brim of things going on. Down time LOL yea right what the crap is that, leisure time to us is when Kanyon takes a two hour nap. Come Friday, Paul has generally made a to do list with things needing accomplished in the two day window that  most people consider a weekend. No matter how much we have going on or how much work needs to be done, we always make time for play. I immensely enjoy afternoon walks and trips to the dino park. If given the chance I think I could sit on a park bench for hours and watch my kids frolic and play. There is something about childhood innocence that I love to hold on to and embrace. It seems like in the chime of a clock we blink our eyes and our children have grown. I constantly look back wondering where has the time gone, you turn your head for two seconds and all of a sudden your child is a preteen. I wish that I could bottle up the moments watching my kids play at the park, helping with yardwork, or twirling in the warm rays of an autumn sun. I know one day I will look back and miss these moments but I do so knowing that I savored every last look, touch, and above all the vibrant words of "watch me mom."

"My Very Own Italian"

In the midst of writing about kids, pregnancy, and lifes lessons; I've neglected to blog about the incredible "Italian" man that I'm lucky enough to call my husband. Not a day goes by that I don't thank my lucky stars for the moment that Paul waltzed (I really shouldn't use that word because he is a terrible dancer) into my world.

Paul is many things and means so much to so many people that I often think he doesn't realize his true value. I met him at a time in my life where I had basically given up on love and he was able to open my eyes to what "true love" actually is. Love doesn't come with terms and conditions, it is a deep down heart felt feeling you grasp from the inner most core of your very being. Paul would go to the ends of the earth to prove his love and devotion.

Words can't possibly describe what kind of father this man is. Our kids are beyond blessed to have a man that is so caring, gentle, funny, and sincere. He is always waiting with open arms, a helpful hand, or a smart comment. He would give the shirt off his back to make sure our kids never go without and endure many obstacles to ensure we are always taken care of.

As a mom, I never have to go through any task solo. Paul is constantly going above and beyond his husbandly duties to help, whether it be to bathe a kid or fold a load of laundry. I never have to ask him to pick up or cook a meal, he always does his fair share or more. I often feel guilty because there are times I would like to sit but I know Paul would never just sit when there are things that need to be done.

Some people go through life and never have the opportunity to know the meaning of true love or a soul mate. Those of us that are lucky enough to experience a once in a lifetime love, need to embrace it and be eternally grateful to have had the opportunity. Paul doesn't always know how much he means to me because believe it or not I'm a woman of few words when it comes to expressing emotions but at the end of the day I hope he truly knows how much I adore him. Our lifes are so crazy but I cherish every little moment we get with just us and bask in the warm of love that he creates.
 
                                                   I love you Paul Michael!!!

Mistakes

I  used to think that as I matured I would make fewer mistakes. I thought, "I'm going to get better at this, because I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning." I believed that there would come a day when I wouldn't make very many mistakes, because I would be better.

What I learned, however, was that as I matured I would continue making mistakes, but I would learn more quickly from them. Maturity helps us become better leaders because it helps us learn from our mistakes.

As we mature we become more self-confident. As we become more self-confident, we're willing to admit things that we would not admit if we had lower self-image. We become strong enough to admit mistakes -- and learn from them. We become bolder because we know that even if we make a mistake, we are moving ahead.

As we mature we realize that mistakes are not usually fatal. Mistakes weren't as big a deal as I thought. In fact, not only are mistakes not usually fatal, they actually have the opposite affect in that they can show us the right way of doing it. As Henry Ford put it, "Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement."

As we mature we find that we make the same mistakes unless we learn from them. The question isn't "How many mistakes have you made?" but "How many of the same mistakes have you made?" One secret to success is to not repeat the same mistakes. The person interested in success has to learn to view failure as a healthy, inevitable part of the process of getting to the top.

As we mature we understand that mistakes are unavoidable. Can you think back to the times you tried to avoid mistakes? You know what I'm saying: "I'll just be careful. I won't make any mistakes here." After a while you learn to risk because you know the mistakes are unavoidable. You can't get around them, and in fact, with the proper perspective, you don't want to. You embrace mistakes as a way of learning. You don't try to fail, but accept that you will sometimes.

As we mature we see that even successful people make mistakes. Remember when you realized that the people you admired make mistakes, too? Old Rough and Ready, Teddy Roosevelt, knew that those who become successful do so with many mistakes, not only a few. In fact, it was the unsuccessful that only made a few mistakes. Roosevelt reminded us that: "The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything." Successful people usually have a string of failures in their past -- that they used as a platform to further success.

Above all, as we mature we gain proper perspective on mistakes -- and on life.

Auntie Jenn

I have one nephew and two nieces and as each of these sweet souls came into my life, so did these odd feelings of excitement, worry, hope, sadness (knowing lengthy periods of time would go between visits and snuggles), and supreme happiness. I see the fragile innocence of family, these precious young years and this time that is to savor. My heart often aches because I can't be the aunt like the ones I had growing up. So much time is lost between visits and faces are ever changing along with new milestones taking place in these beautiful little lifes.

I want them to remember me, but I do know it is I who will keep this chronicle for them. I want them to remember being tucked tight in my lap unable to escape over whelming snuggles, how badly they wanted to be big and how badly we wanted them to stay small. I want them to remember rolling in the backyard grass and asking all the while if I was watching, listening, and if I wanted to come play too? I want us all to remember the sounds of the full, busy house: endless showers, slamming doors, laundry ever-churning, scuffed carpets, giggles and secrets, while we sit and marvel and love and wonder. I want desperately to know my place-and our conclusion. Maybe that is a struggle I will wrestle all my life.

As an Aunt, I understand this, because I am witnessing these children in ways that maybe I don't always witness my very own. I see their perfection (and their flaws) through a loving and devoted but distant lens. I can nurture and scold and teach and play, but the time is finite. Every last minute counts, because at the day's end, that child isn't mine. I have to give them over but I do so knowing that I have loved every last inch of them from their tiny little eyebrows to their wiggley toes. What else as an Auntie, am I do to? Maybe that is the role of an Aunt, playing along but not necessarily leading the way.

I can be the Auntie that buys little surprises and stickers books and bags of Starbursts. Who can show a little more leniency than the disciplinarian parents, who is silly and child like too. Who never tires of knock-knock jokes or stories about school, or playing Legos, or making the grass and sky and trees any color I please across dozens of coloring book pages. Who loves earnestly, who is proud, who will remember all the early years, yes being that Auntie is just fine with me. Someday I will tell them all about who they were then, I will tell them their stories.

"A Mother's Love"

Sometimes I don't know for certain if my mom truly knows how much I adore her and that she means the world to me so this is for you mom!!!

A popular saying is that God cannot be present everywhere and so he created mothers. The relationship between a mother and a child is very special and a bond that lasts a lifetime. A mother means the world to a child, it is she who protects, nourishes, and bestows her child with love and care. It is she who sacrifices many things in life to give the best to her children.

Thank you for all of your unconditional love, for forgiving me when I did something wrong, and holding me when the world around me seemed to be caving in. Thank you for being at my side when I needed you the most. I just want you to know how much I cherish and love you!!!

A Mother's Love
A Mother's love is something
that no on can explain,
It is made of deep devotion
and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish
and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it
or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving
when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters
even though the heart is breaking . . .
It believes beyond believing
when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty
of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining,
it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret
like the mysteries of creation . . .
A many splendored miracle
man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence
of God's tender guiding hand.

I Gather Strength From Life's Storms

I often find myself wondering, how did I get where I am today? Incredibly enough I have weathered many of life's storms, I often wonder if my trials are caused by me neglecting to take my umbrella out in the rain. I could go on for hours about all of the bad decisions and hardships that I have been through as an individual but feel it is from those decisions that I have blossomed, learned and grown as a person. Am I strong, somedays but other days I find myself incredibly weak and barely have the stength to stand let alone provide a normal life for my family. Why must we have bad days, why do we question who we are, why do we relate our trials based off of past decisions? These are all questions I wish I knew the answer to but turns out maybe I'm not so smart after all. Let me tell you what I do know...

Motivation is my force, the energy that drives me into action. Motivation is a compelling asset in reaching your biggest dream. It comes from the inner most core of my heart and is driven by desire to grow. It is energy unbridled. It's that undescribable feeling that you can't just help but do something. It is that unstoppable urge to "take the bull by the horns" and conquer the world.

When I feel my world can't possibly withhold another ounce of burden, I dig down deep and pull out a pocket of strength. I can remember years back when my mom told me to get up, pick my head up, and stand tall. I vividly recall at the time thinking she was some kind of drill sergeant but now looking back I know that she said all those things for my own benefit. Now as a mother, my children give me strength I never knew existed. I didn't know I had the capability to accomplish so many things in such a short amount of time but when I think of them I find the drive to be better and strive for more.  I realize I don't have the capacity to know all of the answers to our trials and tribulations but I do have the strength to learn from them and move on. I know that just because something may be easy to measure doesn't mean its important.

Wrapping it up; Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Know that people take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness, just because they aren't on your road does not mean they have gotten lost. The foolish person seeks happiness in the distance, the wise person grows it under his feet! the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way!!!

Awwwww "NUTS"

I have to start off by saying, what a year medically our poor little Kanyon has been through. Bless his sweet heart, he has been poked and prodded  more than any toddler should ever have to be. So, here we go again with his latest and greatest episode that led to his first surgery at the age of 2.

Kanyon stays with Grandma Sandi on Wednesdays while mommy and daddy work. Daddy gets a call at work saying that Kan was eating peanuts and fell backwards off his stool causing him to swallow the peanuts that were in his mouth. Grandma said that Kan starts turning blue and choking. Thankfully, she had the know how to push his tongue down and make him throw up. However, her quick actions didn't quite resolve the coughing and wheezing that followed causing her to be genuinely concerned. After a quick call to the pediatrician we were headed for the hospital.

Thankfully, when a child is having a hard time breathing without hesitation they whisk them right back for examination. Mind you the emergency room is never a fun experience and much time is wasted waiting for nurses and doctors. Often the waiting is generally not that taxing, but when you have a curious 2 year old, it can really wear a parent down rather quickly. Of course, all of the hospital staff think that Kan is beyond adorable and he could probably take a giant poop in the middle of their walking space and they would say "OMG how cute." We can already tell that Kan is going to get away with murder in this joint. No amount of crayons, stickers, or blow up rubber gloves are going to keep our toddler from pushing every button or trying to take off with a bed that has wheels across the ER floor.


They give Kan a quick look over and decide after hearing a little rattling in the lung area that xrays are the next way to go.  On the xray there is a haze in Kanyon's lungs, so they decide on a breathing treatment which in turn does not clear up any of the wheezy breathing or the rattling in his lungs. We had a great ER doctor who immediately calls a surgeon that comes right over to the hospital to look at Kan. Within minutes they are prepping him for surgery, knowing that more than likely he has aspirated a peanut into his lung and they must go in and remove it. I understand that it's a mandatory thing for doctors to give you a run down of all the bad things that could possibly go wrong in a surgery like this but good grief, talk about scaring the pants off a mom who is already a wreck as is, no bueno no bueno!!!


Kanyon is being such a little sport about all of this, in fact he is probably taking most of it better than myself.  He cried for a mere two seconds (I only cried for 10) when they put the iv in and thanked the nurse when she was finished. Every time he said thank you, the nurses just awwww'd over him. He didn't cry when I had to hand him over to the nurse to take him to the OR and waved bye bye to us as my eyes filled with tears. The waiting part has to be the worst part of any surgery. My nerves are on the fritz and I just know he should have been done by now as panic sets in. Paul is telling me not to worry that its fine, that he hasn't been back there for that long. Little does he know I'm timing down to the very minute we walked away from our little boy to head to the waiting room. Before we know it here comes the doctor holding a plastic container with the (3) peanuts he pulled from Kan's left lung. The surgery went without flaw and they are going to keep him over night for observation. At this point relief sets in and I am able to breathe knowing all is well.

Kan was extremely grumpy when he woke up from the anethesia but it wore off very fast (they lied) and he was back to entertaining everybody and trying to pull off every mechanism that was attached to his little body. We had lots of family and some friends visit us at the hospital and they were tremendous helps with Kaleb and Kennedy as we were stuck in the hospital for the night. We are so incredibly grateful for the big support system that we have. Kan is home safe and sound and was singing, "I'm sexy and I know it" within minutes after arriving home from the hospital. I have to finish by saying "dear Lord please grant this little boy a break medically and bless him with a good year containing no accidents or sickness, he definitely deserves it, AMEN...

It's called "JAM"

Every now and then I will feel this strong inclination to be "SUPER MOM," a little domesticated ball of crazy. This weekend happened to be one of those moments; when I decided I was going to make jam. I'm certain I can't be the only mother that has experienced this but I always start out my projects gung ho and then little by little as things gradually go wrong I begin wondering  what the hell was I thinking? I'm no "Super Mom" just a crazy jam making lady!!!

My brilliant husband had made jam with his mom growing up and as much as I thank him for his expertise he has a tendency to take over, which in turn makes me mad because after all it was my project. Things started out well, we had our fruit ready and the jars were boiled sanitized and ready to go. One thing I have failed to mention is that the cooking space in our kitchen is very limited so bumping into each other is fairly common in our household. This is where disaster generally strikes, you can only bump into a person so many times, especially with little ones under foot until someone's nerves are bound to blow.

Our first batch wasn't the problem even though we used old pectin and 17 jars didn't set up and ended up looking like runny goo, nope that wasn't a problem at all. This runny goo just happened to be my breaking point of frustration because oddly enough most of the things I cook, bake, assemble, etc. generally come out pretty flawless. I'm not a fan of failure and have a slight tendency to beat myself up over things that don't turn out exactly like I envisioned. At this point I was blaming it all on my mother-in-law for the bad pectin, LOL why because its always easier to point the blame elsewhere instead of admitting we actually screwed up.

Instead of being wise and throwing in the towel what did we decide to do, let's make one more batch!!! Aside from the fact we had two starving children under foot and a kitchen full of chaotic mess on every visible surface area, we were doing pretty good right? Paul was mad because he wanted to be cutting the lawn, Danielle kept asking when we were going to eat breakfast (I did tide her over with a yogurt just so you know), and Kanyon kept pushing a kitchen chair over to the counter so he could see what all the chaos was about.

I will tell you that after all the mess was tidied up, kids were fed, and parents a hair calmer that our second batch of rasberry jam turned out completely perfect. What I did learn is that I can indeed sometimes be "Super Mom." I am a firm believer this is why I have gray hair and I'm a few pounds heavier than I care to be, because let's just face it these situations can be highly stressful so what better way to handle stress than pop a twinkie or two :) LOL funny right? Lesson learned: do projects when kids are in bed fast asleep or husband is preoccupied. I love you baby, I really do but let's just face it two stubborn people in a tiny little kitchen, bad things are bound to happen to good people and I would really hate to dump a bottle of runny goo on your head!!! Nuff said :)