# 5 is ALIVE....

My Sweet Kanman,

Holy Cow - YOU'RE 5!!!

5 sounds like such a big boy age. Next week you start kindergarten. I don't understand how time went by so quickly. It seems like just yesterday you were learning to walk, talk, and navigate this crazy thing called life.

You are still such a joy! Your laugh is infectious and everyone who hears it agrees. You delight in figuring things out and your intelligence constantly astounds me. I can never remember what kids are "supposed" to know and be able to do at this age, but regardless you make me so proud.

You are sensitive. You don't like to disappoint and are quick to apologize when your moments are over. You are spirited, full of energy and zest. Running is still a pleasure for you. You hated soccer but fell in love with tball this year and became known as the "heavy hitter." This year you fell in love with Ninja Turtles and Star Wars (much to my dismay) and you still love to play games on my phone. You delight in figuring out mazes and puzzles, you have such a technical mind.

When it comes to being a big brother, I can't begin to tell you how amazing you are with Kimbree Jo. I know Kimbree frustrates you when she takes things away or when she accidentally (or sometimes on purpose) makes a mess out of something you've been creating; but for the most part you are SO good to her. You find ways to play with her and you are constantly teaching her. Nothing melts my heart more than when you look at her and you both laugh that full belly laugh deep down into your souls.

You have a big year ahead my little big man, one with lots of changes. No matter what comes your way, I know you will flourish and prosper. Thank you for taking me on this journey with you, I can't wait to see what's next. Happy 5th Birthday Mr.......

 

14 and Fabulous

I often wonder where did the time go? I wonder how the little girl playing with my mascara actually wants to wear it for real? How are her feet bigger than mine? How do I have 4 short years before she's considered an adult. I wonder if my mom felt and had these same questions. Inspired by these thoughts I'm writing things to tell my daughter and perhaps reminders for myself for the rest of our lives.

Kennedy - "I LOVE YOU" - when we mean it the words I LOVE YOU have to be the most powerful sentence in the world. You is perhaps the key of it. Every girl deserves to be loved. Children will not remember you for the material things you provided, but for the feeling that you cherished them.  Every single girl should know that she is cherished. The shy girl, the funny girl, the straight A girl, and the C girl, the special needs girl, the curvy girl, the skinny one, the short one, the tall one. That girl, the one that belongs to me, deserves to hear and feel the words, I love YOU as YOU are.

Kennedy - the size of your pants will never determine the size of your heart. We live in a time where images are everything. Making the good look bad and the bad look good, we have the power to alter any picture in a second.  You were born with your dignity therefore no one can take it away from you, you deserve to grow with confidence.

Kennedy - NEVER do drugs! They will destroy you, ruin your youth and possibly your life, unhappiness and sorrow will follow them. Know that it's ok to say no because it makes you a better person. Say no because you were taught better and know right from wrong.

Kennedy - ALWAYS remember who you are! You don't need to know perfectly who you are yet, you are evolving, reinventing, and getting to know yourself everyday. Remember the value of your soul. You continue to remind me of who I am. You are one of my heroes, I wish I could love as unconditionally as you do. I wish I could forgive as easily as you do. I wish I could be as willing to learn as you are. YOU are amazing!

Kennedy - As your parent it's my job to say "NO" because I know you can say yes to wonderful things. That's right! Yes to your dreams, yes to an education, yes to experiences that will make your heart full, yes to a future, NO is all about YES.

Kennedy - I value your opinion, I know that most of the time you know what the right thing to do is. I love listening to you and I value what you say (most of the time). I love that you come to me when you're struggling and melt into my arms expecting me to make everything better. I love our girl talks more than you will ever know.

Kennedy - Friendship and popularity are not the same thing. I know that you want nothing more than to be accepted and liked, it's my responsibility as your parent to know your friends. Our home is always open to your friends so that I can embark on your friendship journeys with you.

Kennedy - ALWAYS have fun this perhaps is one of my favorite things. I've invested much time and energy with actions to show you what fun is. I hope that a piece of you will always remain a kid at heart and be able to let the worries of this world drift away so you know how to have a blast.

Kennedy - I'm not an expert when it comes to parenting but I can promise you that I will always try my best. I promise that I will be your safe haven, the warmth of my arms will always be waiting for you. I promise you that I will always have a shoulder for you to lean or cry on. The depths of my love for you extend much farther than the deepest sea and no amount of waves could ever wash away how blessed I am to be your mom.

Little Miss Personality

 

 

 

 

Kimbree Jo has so much personality, I wish I could capture every aspect of it and bottle it up! She's at a fun little age, where everything in her world is so exciting and adventurous. She lights up the minute she sees a new face and goes straight into show off mode. She loves blankies, her kitty snugglie, and babies. She's prone to toting something with her just about everywhere she goes and to say she is territorial is an understatement. She doesn't like to share mom and will have an all out fit if someone tries to hug or sit on mommy's lap. She's learning a multitude of new words and she's a little mocking bird always repeating different sounds or words she hears. She adores her daddy and asks for him when she notices he's not around. She's still our little eater, that's obvious by the squishiness in her thighs and cheekies. It is abundantly clear that Kimbree completes our family with her bold personality and the quality of life she brings to our home.

Wrecking Ball

Kennedy's dance team performed Miley Cyrus's wrecking ball for a fund raiser to collect money for the CEU Physcology department. They worked for months on this performance to nail it without flaw and did a superb job. I'm so proud to watch her learn and grow the fundamentals of hard work and dedication. Kennedy's passion radiates through ten fold.

Whoops - Shame Shame

Kaleb's first accident - as a passenger! On February 6, 2015 Kaleb and his friend Kolton decided to go out in the hills and mess around during thier lunch break, unfortunately due to high speed and loose gravel, the vehicle rolled. Thankfully neither one of the boys were hurt physically. Kaleb took a good knock to the noggin' when the vehicle rolled but didn't show any signs of injury. Both of the boys were ticketed for Joy Riding, thankfully Kaleb's charges were dropped although we are still making him pay for half of the vehicle damage. We pray a lesson will be learned from this little endeavor.

"I Wish Someone Would Have Warned Me"

I have to be blatantly honest, lately I've wallowed in a small amount of self pity. Sometimes I feel like life couldn't be any more unfair and for that reason it can become quite taxing at any given moment. When I look at the 4 humans I've created, they are my realization, they are my why! The reasons why I get up every day and push forward on 2 hours of sleep, the reasons why I put meals on the table, and keep a clean home (most of the time). More than anything they are the reasons why my heart has the capacity to love beyond measure. I wish I would have known the feelings that came along with having children, they enhance and make you feel "MORE" - more thrill, more love, more anguish, more adoration, more fear, more gratitude, more doubt, MORE crazy. A child takes your heart and mind and squishes them into a pulp in their fat little baby hands. There are days I look in the mirror and think Good Lord woman, put on some clean pants and get your crap together. Some days are more trying that others, raising my rugrats can sometimes be the most frustrating, boring, numbing, exhausting, and lonely job I've ever had. But there's also an opposite: The feelings are all so BIG including the good ones. As I type this, I can literally recall how thier chubby little cheeks felt against my lips; I kissed them hundreds of times a day. I remember exactly how my heart surged seeing a smile, white haired baby standing at the crib rails, squealing at the sight of me. I precisely remember all thier first steps. I was there laughing, cheering, and holding out my arms. Those feelings are so BIG and so REAL. When I push through the BIG exhaustion and BIG guilt, I've tapped into something more healthy: BIG pride. Every night with all 4 kids (most of the time) bathed, read to, rocked, snuggled, talked to, and tucked into bed, I feel like some sort of damn warrior princess. Who can handle this many kids every day, APPARENTLY I can (and if I managed to also have sex that night, I feel like a viable candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize for my contributions to humanity). There are times I feel as if my brain is falling apart and I'm a hot mess. Then I look at my children. Their shoes are on the right feet, at least one has combed hair, those round bellies are clearly well fed, and one peek in thier eyes, lets me know there's a lot of light there. Those eyes are loved, cherished, and cared for. I'm doing it, I'm raising whole humans, healthy and happy and safe. Then it happens - kids grow up! They pee on the potty! They make their own sandwiches! They wash their own hair! They go to school for seven hours a day. The nonstop physical parenting slows down. The daily marathon relents. The world spins faster and time lapses faster than it ever did before. These little ones that are ever changing, you fall even more madly in love with them as every year passes. That part doesn't get any better. The BIG feelings stay BIG, especially the tender ones. Your brain becomes more useful, but the kids grow up and you can't stop it. That adorable 3-year-old you're tucking into bed, blink and you'll be sending him to Driver's Ed. I'll tell you something most moms don't; teenagers are mostly awesome. Sure, you also want to strangle them of course, but they are funny and smart and interesting, and the teen stage is totally my jam. It's not all great (this exact moment I'm thinking of the car my son was in a month ago when it rolled), but no stage of parenting is all great. I wish I would have known before bringing my first son home; the baby years are short, kind of like five minutes... underwater. It doesn't seem like it, but they go to kindergarten, then ride bikes without training wheels, don't rely on you as much or as often. Every day I thank God that I got to be their parent, that they are mine, that they walked into my arms at one point and will walk out at another. What a gift! I wouldn't trade one day of BIG feelings, because the good ones far outweigh the hard ones, and the one that endures above all is BIG BIG BIG LOVE.

15 Years and Counting

Fifteen has proven to be a very challenging age, caught right between a boy and a man. Never in a million years would I have thought that Kaleb would turn out to be a challenge, he's always been my saint child but I think he found it necessary to throw us for a loop. Once upon a time Kaleb was a quiet little boy that would sit for hours playing and never make a sound. Now you know the minute Kaleb enters or leaves a room; he's boisterous, funny, and not an ounce shy of loud. He stands 6 ft. 2 inches tall and weighs 165 lbs. He's out grown every ounce of baby fat that he ever possessed and is now sporting muscles that he often flexes in front of mirrors, company, or cameras. If I get in his way "NO PROBLEM" he just picks me up and moves me and then laughs about it. School is a mega struggle, it's hard to juggle studies and being a class clown. He's had just about every privilege revoked so that he might understand the power of an education. Needless to say having no door, stereo, tv, friends, extra curricular activities, or driving rights haven't turned his ways (as of yet). He's stubborn on so many levels I can't begin to explain them all. He has an attitude that I never envisioned and enough rebuttals to fill a book for dummies. Despite all of the challenging qualities that have surfaced over the last few months, Kaleb is also my savior! He's the first one that offers a helping hand when he sees me struggling. He will cook a meal, bath a sibling, vacuum floors, or tell me to go to bed at 9 o'clock. He wraps his arms around me out of nowhere and gives the worlds best hugs. He plays peek-a-boo and playdough like a champ. He will express his opinion or feelings when life is wearing on him and NEVER goes without saying thank you for anything we've done for him. He's still trying to find his place in this world. Where do I fit in? What does life have in store for me? He loves deeply and is hurt easily. He loves nature and watching all of the "life in the great outdoors" shows. He is intrigued by living in the middle of nowhere and living off the earth's natural resources. He's learned its ok to let go and that you can't change people. He's wise far beyond his years. He's not that bad of a driver either; even in the dark. The hardest pill for me to swallow is the fact that he doesn't need me as much anymore. The little boy that once stood outside of the bathroom door waiting for me is no longer there, in his place stands a young man that likes to jump out and scare the crap out of me. Kaleb, I hope that you always know your value. I hope you always know how much you are loved and how proud I am to call you my son. I hope that you figure life out and come out on top. I hope you take time to treasure all of the small things and know the value of hard work. Not a day on this earth shall ever pass that I won't be eternally grateful for you and the presence you bring to the world. I love you!

Family Favorites

This year I finally caved and we hired a photographer for our family pics - after so many years of epic fails it was time to admit defeat. I have to be blatantly honest, these are some of the best pics we've ever had of our family and the moments caught will linger in my heart forever. I'm what most would consider OCD - so I start planning outfits 2 months in advance and then second guess myself 14 times before deciding that "it will just have to work." I realize the time and effort it takes to capture a family our size; so I'm extremely grateful our photographer was patient with us. I won't go into glory details about how I panicked over hair not being right, kids misbehaving, butts (mine in particular) looking big, nails not getting painted coordinating colors, YES I'm that bad but like I said I will save you the ear lashing and just reiterate how much I LOVE these pictures and the moments of joy they catch.

Delightful Dani

I don't even know where to begin, so I'm just going to ramble on about you in hopes that some of it will make sense.  Dani, you are sooooooooooooo much fun - 8 has proven to be a very "delightful" age. Your personality is ever changing and growing; you can quite literally go from a silly quirky ball of bliss to a reserved and quiet saint. You are still too smart for your own good and continue to keep us on our toes with your wittiness. You just finished up fall soccer and are beginning to practice for basketball season. You love to paint and you're amazingly good at it. You're pretty handy in the kitchen and recently made your first apple pie; it looked delicious. You are a people pleaser and only want to make everyone happy, even if it sacrifices your own happiness. Our time with you is always well spent; however that time is also a short piece of what it used to be. You have some big things happening in your little world in the next year. Your mom is getting married so you will have a stepdad (he's a genuinely caring and nice man) and your dad and I are grateful that he loves you so much. We struggle to keep up with the awesome lifestyle that your mom and Rich provide you. At the end of the day it is our hope that you know how much we truly love and adore you. We can't wait to see what amazing things the next year brings, if 9 is anywhere near as fun as 8 we are in for a real treat.  

"One-der-ful -- ONE"

Today, you turn 1. It amazes me to look at you and realize how much you have grown and changed over the past year. Every milestone you reach and every new experience that delights you puts a smile on my face. I simply love to watch your eager mind. There is so much for you to encounter these days. You're intrigued by everything. Yet, just one short year ago, you were a beautiful, healthy, newborn baby asleep in my arms. A year has brought so much change, so many smiles, and so many tears (good and bad). It's hard to believe that just one short year ago we waited so patiently for you to join our family. In the past year, you have made me love you even more than I thought possible! My love for you grows each and every day. Just when I thought I couldn't love any more, I love you even more! My heart melts when you look me in the eyes and I hear your soft voice say, “mom." In the past year, you have taught me an abundance of patience. We snuggle (though a lot less than we used to), we cuddle (again a LOT less than we used to), and we play together. Your love for me is evident and that alone makes my heart sing. There is nothing quite like a mom/daughter relationship and there is a definite bond that is distinct and undeniable. We'll grow into all the good things (and the bad) that come from that relationship as you grow older. You are sooooo busy, always on the go and chattering up a storm. You love what you love and want what you want and nobody stands in your way (well Kanyon does at times but you don’t tolerate it well). You make the silliest faces, always scrunching up your nose and squinting your eyes (my favorite is when you blink like nobody can see you). You are the easiest baby to put down for a nap and bed and will eat anything put in front of your pudgy little face. You climb, scoot, crawl, and take steps to where you feel you need to be. You blow, spit, and play patty cake. You understand the word “No” and repeat it well. You love little people but are leery of adults unless you know them well. You love baths and would stay in the tub long after the water has drained. You hate people in your face and smack them away (again mostly Kanyon). You are so squishy and soft awww it just makes me want to squeeze you all of the time (you hate it). A year! Seems like such a short amount of time. Yet, in a year, you have gone from the fragile, tiny newborn in my arms to the rambunctious, adventurous one year old beauty you are today. All of the milestones and growing in one short year have created so many wonderful memories. It's like a lifetime condensed into 365 days. In that span of time, my life has forever changed. Nothing, no part of me, will ever be the same. You make my life more joyous, you fill it with more laughter, and you make my heart smile more than I ever dreamed possible. I love you more than I ever did before. Happy Birthday, my sweet Kimbree Jo!

I Will Never Forget You - Sweet Angel of Mine

I barely got to hold you, and kiss your little head. I'll never watch you sleeping soundly, all snuggled in your bed. I can't count your fingers, or your tiny toes. I won't see your smile, or your cute little button nose. I know you are in heaven, where there's no pain or tears. You'll never have a broken heart, or have to face your fears. And though I'm sad you're not here right now, for us to hold today I know we'll hold you in our arms, When we're in heaven with you someday. Sweet angel of mine - I think of you often and feel your spirit presence near. I love you with all of the fibers a mother is capable of possessing. I hope you are running with the angels (especially Grandpa Great) and having a birthday party in the sky. XOXO

11 DoWn 1 MoRe To Go

Our little squishy is so close to 1 - it's scary!!! This last month has been a month of "new" for Kimbree Jo. She is taking solid steps now, she mocks sounds, and her vocabulary is ever growing. She's a climber,she loves to climb the stair case and onto different toys. She had her first ear infection :( no fun and loads of crappy diapers - a $hitty deal all the way around for poor squish. Her personality and voice are growing by volumes daily. We say she's a sassy girl - probably not the best idea to put in that little noggin of hers. She loves what she loves and doesn't like for anyone to get in her way. She does not like to share mommy and will squeal if anyone else has interaction with mom (not the best trait). She pulls out her hair pretties and tries to get away from every diaper change. When's she's upset she clinches her fists and shakes (not epileptic). She loves to eat but she's actually starting to slim down now that she's so mobile. People always comment on her thighs - why can't people squeeze my thighs and deem how cute they are - not fair people. Kimbree is an overall joy and we are looking forward to making her first birthday a memorable one.

Carbon High Dino

Once upon a time I had a little boy that was playing flag football - that little sport slowly turned into tackle, ran sackle, and smash your opponent into the ground type of sport. Kaleb started the year off well let's just say exhausted from the time and effort a "high school" sport takes. I love football - I've always loved watching it, so having a child that participates is kind of a big deal to me. Sadly football, scouts, school, girls (yes girls), etc. became too much for this football star and he had to drop the sport due to slipping grades. School is important it's a small stepping stone in the puddle of life and no matter how discouraging it can be to a child, it's a parents prerogative for thier child to succeed in academics.

Little Tiger ---- Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Now that Kan is 4 he has the opportunity to try a few different sports - so we decided that soccer would be our first "try." Can I just say that 4-year olds are hilarious, clueless, and overall skeptics when it comes to learning the ins and outs of something new like a sport they've never played. Of course we decked Kanyon out in shin guards, soccer shoes, socks, shorts, the whole shabang to find out other parents really could have cared less how styling their little sportster was. Kan was completely clueless, running around in circles just following the other kids that were overall just as clueless. We would yell "run Kan run - kick the ball" and he would gaze at you in his little charming smile like seriously - look how freaking cute I am. I can honestly say I don't think he ended the season knowing much more than when he started. He was "that" child "that" child that roamed around aimlessly just trying to figure out what the point of the sport was. Kan is an observer he likes to watch and learn before partcipating - he takes everything in and analyzes it (definitely a trait from his dad). At the end of the game all that really matters is what kind of awesome treat they get anyways - RIGHT?

10 Months of Totally Awesomeness

I could rant and rave about how fast time flies by and yada yada yada but this time right now is so much fun that words could never capture how much we revel in the moments. Now, don't get me wrong if I could lock myself in a time capsule and go back rocking our little squishy bug as a newborn I would totally do it but this time right now is an absolute blast. Kimbree is ever changing - her personality is constantly picking up on new things, mocking different sounds we make, playing copy cat, taking charge, yet still small enough to melt into your arms. She's continuously making new faces or screeching just to hear the sound of her own voice. I (of course) am still her most favorite person in the whole world, she will squeal if anyone tries to remove her from my arms; needless to say dropoffs at daycare aren't always considered fun. She crawls all over and pulls herself up on EVERYTHING - just last week she took her first steps. She still loves food and is a fantastic little eater, that's probably somewhat noticeable by the size of her meaty thighs. She has 7 teeth and will bite if you stick your finger in her mouth (Kanyon tested this theory). She still isn't the most ideal sleeper and wakes several times a night but goes back to sleep without a hitch. She's slowly weaning herself off the bottle and loves cups with straws. She continues to melt my heart daily and I don't foresee that ever changing.