Wrecking Ball

Kennedy's dance team performed Miley Cyrus's wrecking ball for a fund raiser to collect money for the CEU Physcology department. They worked for months on this performance to nail it without flaw and did a superb job. I'm so proud to watch her learn and grow the fundamentals of hard work and dedication. Kennedy's passion radiates through ten fold.

Whoops - Shame Shame

Kaleb's first accident - as a passenger! On February 6, 2015 Kaleb and his friend Kolton decided to go out in the hills and mess around during thier lunch break, unfortunately due to high speed and loose gravel, the vehicle rolled. Thankfully neither one of the boys were hurt physically. Kaleb took a good knock to the noggin' when the vehicle rolled but didn't show any signs of injury. Both of the boys were ticketed for Joy Riding, thankfully Kaleb's charges were dropped although we are still making him pay for half of the vehicle damage. We pray a lesson will be learned from this little endeavor.

"I Wish Someone Would Have Warned Me"

I have to be blatantly honest, lately I've wallowed in a small amount of self pity. Sometimes I feel like life couldn't be any more unfair and for that reason it can become quite taxing at any given moment. When I look at the 4 humans I've created, they are my realization, they are my why! The reasons why I get up every day and push forward on 2 hours of sleep, the reasons why I put meals on the table, and keep a clean home (most of the time). More than anything they are the reasons why my heart has the capacity to love beyond measure. I wish I would have known the feelings that came along with having children, they enhance and make you feel "MORE" - more thrill, more love, more anguish, more adoration, more fear, more gratitude, more doubt, MORE crazy. A child takes your heart and mind and squishes them into a pulp in their fat little baby hands. There are days I look in the mirror and think Good Lord woman, put on some clean pants and get your crap together. Some days are more trying that others, raising my rugrats can sometimes be the most frustrating, boring, numbing, exhausting, and lonely job I've ever had. But there's also an opposite: The feelings are all so BIG including the good ones. As I type this, I can literally recall how thier chubby little cheeks felt against my lips; I kissed them hundreds of times a day. I remember exactly how my heart surged seeing a smile, white haired baby standing at the crib rails, squealing at the sight of me. I precisely remember all thier first steps. I was there laughing, cheering, and holding out my arms. Those feelings are so BIG and so REAL. When I push through the BIG exhaustion and BIG guilt, I've tapped into something more healthy: BIG pride. Every night with all 4 kids (most of the time) bathed, read to, rocked, snuggled, talked to, and tucked into bed, I feel like some sort of damn warrior princess. Who can handle this many kids every day, APPARENTLY I can (and if I managed to also have sex that night, I feel like a viable candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize for my contributions to humanity). There are times I feel as if my brain is falling apart and I'm a hot mess. Then I look at my children. Their shoes are on the right feet, at least one has combed hair, those round bellies are clearly well fed, and one peek in thier eyes, lets me know there's a lot of light there. Those eyes are loved, cherished, and cared for. I'm doing it, I'm raising whole humans, healthy and happy and safe. Then it happens - kids grow up! They pee on the potty! They make their own sandwiches! They wash their own hair! They go to school for seven hours a day. The nonstop physical parenting slows down. The daily marathon relents. The world spins faster and time lapses faster than it ever did before. These little ones that are ever changing, you fall even more madly in love with them as every year passes. That part doesn't get any better. The BIG feelings stay BIG, especially the tender ones. Your brain becomes more useful, but the kids grow up and you can't stop it. That adorable 3-year-old you're tucking into bed, blink and you'll be sending him to Driver's Ed. I'll tell you something most moms don't; teenagers are mostly awesome. Sure, you also want to strangle them of course, but they are funny and smart and interesting, and the teen stage is totally my jam. It's not all great (this exact moment I'm thinking of the car my son was in a month ago when it rolled), but no stage of parenting is all great. I wish I would have known before bringing my first son home; the baby years are short, kind of like five minutes... underwater. It doesn't seem like it, but they go to kindergarten, then ride bikes without training wheels, don't rely on you as much or as often. Every day I thank God that I got to be their parent, that they are mine, that they walked into my arms at one point and will walk out at another. What a gift! I wouldn't trade one day of BIG feelings, because the good ones far outweigh the hard ones, and the one that endures above all is BIG BIG BIG LOVE.

15 Years and Counting

Fifteen has proven to be a very challenging age, caught right between a boy and a man. Never in a million years would I have thought that Kaleb would turn out to be a challenge, he's always been my saint child but I think he found it necessary to throw us for a loop. Once upon a time Kaleb was a quiet little boy that would sit for hours playing and never make a sound. Now you know the minute Kaleb enters or leaves a room; he's boisterous, funny, and not an ounce shy of loud. He stands 6 ft. 2 inches tall and weighs 165 lbs. He's out grown every ounce of baby fat that he ever possessed and is now sporting muscles that he often flexes in front of mirrors, company, or cameras. If I get in his way "NO PROBLEM" he just picks me up and moves me and then laughs about it. School is a mega struggle, it's hard to juggle studies and being a class clown. He's had just about every privilege revoked so that he might understand the power of an education. Needless to say having no door, stereo, tv, friends, extra curricular activities, or driving rights haven't turned his ways (as of yet). He's stubborn on so many levels I can't begin to explain them all. He has an attitude that I never envisioned and enough rebuttals to fill a book for dummies. Despite all of the challenging qualities that have surfaced over the last few months, Kaleb is also my savior! He's the first one that offers a helping hand when he sees me struggling. He will cook a meal, bath a sibling, vacuum floors, or tell me to go to bed at 9 o'clock. He wraps his arms around me out of nowhere and gives the worlds best hugs. He plays peek-a-boo and playdough like a champ. He will express his opinion or feelings when life is wearing on him and NEVER goes without saying thank you for anything we've done for him. He's still trying to find his place in this world. Where do I fit in? What does life have in store for me? He loves deeply and is hurt easily. He loves nature and watching all of the "life in the great outdoors" shows. He is intrigued by living in the middle of nowhere and living off the earth's natural resources. He's learned its ok to let go and that you can't change people. He's wise far beyond his years. He's not that bad of a driver either; even in the dark. The hardest pill for me to swallow is the fact that he doesn't need me as much anymore. The little boy that once stood outside of the bathroom door waiting for me is no longer there, in his place stands a young man that likes to jump out and scare the crap out of me. Kaleb, I hope that you always know your value. I hope you always know how much you are loved and how proud I am to call you my son. I hope that you figure life out and come out on top. I hope you take time to treasure all of the small things and know the value of hard work. Not a day on this earth shall ever pass that I won't be eternally grateful for you and the presence you bring to the world. I love you!

Family Favorites

This year I finally caved and we hired a photographer for our family pics - after so many years of epic fails it was time to admit defeat. I have to be blatantly honest, these are some of the best pics we've ever had of our family and the moments caught will linger in my heart forever. I'm what most would consider OCD - so I start planning outfits 2 months in advance and then second guess myself 14 times before deciding that "it will just have to work." I realize the time and effort it takes to capture a family our size; so I'm extremely grateful our photographer was patient with us. I won't go into glory details about how I panicked over hair not being right, kids misbehaving, butts (mine in particular) looking big, nails not getting painted coordinating colors, YES I'm that bad but like I said I will save you the ear lashing and just reiterate how much I LOVE these pictures and the moments of joy they catch.